Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
