Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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