sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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