I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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