Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
