I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
