Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
