Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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