Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
