Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
