we have officially lost it.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
