well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
organizing the empties. That sober.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
