bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
