My room smells like vodka and shame
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
