Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
