Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
