At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
