Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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