whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
