I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
