i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
