sarcasm needs its own font
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
