i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
