like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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