Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
being pregnant is like rehab
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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