Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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