so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
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