mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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