Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
