There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
