Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
