Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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