she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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