She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
