it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
