I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
