Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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