tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
