found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
