I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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