definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
