New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
