Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
