i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
