she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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