The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
