I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
