Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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