i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
