nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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