I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
