Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You know, be my cock's hype man.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize