to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
