Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
