I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just pee around me
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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